I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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