I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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