You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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