At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
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i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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