Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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