I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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