Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize