If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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