It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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