Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize