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Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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