Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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