I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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