New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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