The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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