His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize