The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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