Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
two words: eviction party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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