Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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