I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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