her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize