i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize