Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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