so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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