Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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