Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize