My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize