Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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