Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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