you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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