Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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