I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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