I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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