On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize