how can u be prego again
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize