i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize