Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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