Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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