we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize