her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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