Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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