i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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