We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize