You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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