hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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