You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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