allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you never un-have a 4some
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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