I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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