ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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