Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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